Thursday Jul 31 @ 01:02am with 11,930,563 notes
Day 1: you ripped open my vagina and I hate youDay 5: just kidding you’re so cute and soft and small lol I could fit you in a handbagMonth 2: STOP CRYING PLEEEAASE. JUST ONE HOUR OF SLEEP AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVERRRRMonth 5: mama? Mama? Mama? Say it? Please? Say something? PleaseMonth 8: IF. YOU. DON’T. STOP. SAYING. MAMA. THE. POLICE. WILL. NEVER. FIND. THE. BODY.Year 1: One down. 17 to go…Year 1, Month 11: oh god.. it’s coming…Year 2: NO PLEASE JUST PUT THAT DOWN. NNOOO! DON’T TOUCH THAT! Baby, i love you no matter whaT BUT PLEASE DON’T TOUCH THAT JJUST STAY STILL PLEASE SWEETHEARTYear 3: Oh thank god that’s overYear 4: Awwww, you went to preschool. isn;t that adorable, my little intellectual shitYear 5: ACTUAL SCHOOL! YOU LEARNED COLORS AND NUMBERS YOU’RE A GENIUS
Year 15: You called me a fuckwit. What the fuck is a fuckwit?
year 16; oh god no LIGHTLY step on the gas NO NON NO NO YOU DONT HAVE TO PRESS THAT HARD ON THE BREAK!!!
year 17: I caught you masturbating but you didn’t notice so I didn’t say anything. You’re welcome.
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:58am with 58,769 notes
The lack of tattoos on my body is highly upsetting.
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:57am with 259,989 notes
when u reblog one of those ask game things and nobody sends u anything
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:56am with 64,150 notes
The life of a straight boy summed up in two overpriced hats
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:56am with 156,773 notes
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:53am with 94,859 notes
THE SLASH BRINGING
FLASH STRINGING RINGING
THE HASH SLINGING SLASHER
i’m re-blogging this…
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:53am with 406,227 notes
So I just found out that to be an astronaut you can’t be under 5’2” and this is BULLSHIT I never wanted to be an astronaut until I found out I couldn’t and now I feel like a dream has been crushed fuck you NASA
i don’t want to live in a world where we can’t launch danny devito into space
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:49am with 106,706 notes
anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “not to you”
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:48am with 773,527 notes
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:48am with 135,272 notes
I have never related so much to something.
Thursday Jul 31 @ 12:48am with 68,238 notes